I mentioned in my last blog post that I was having a difficult time finding the words to describe my experience here – two weeks later, I am still struggling. The difference, however, comes from something I’ve learned here: that its okay not to know and to just go with the flow. This experience has taught me so many things, and it has been a combination of being here in Thailand and being able to share this experience with 19 other amazing students. I am a little scared for re-entry back into my life in the US: am I different? I didn’t believe that three weeks was long enough to have such an impact, but I was so very naive in thinking that. I have to say that my experience here has made me reflect a lot on the beauty in simplicity and this idea of not knowing. I plan to rid my apartment of all the unnecessary clutter I have collected, because all I can picture is our first homestay that consisted of only the necessities: a roof and faded pictures of family. Also, the shower was just a faucet connected to the wall, and the floor made of stone, and for some reason I am really hung up on the idea of why do we have plastic tubs? Why do we separate the shower? Why do we have four cars or feel like success is connected to money? I know it seems silly, but that is a glimpse of how my mind has been trying to process everything I have seen or heard here. It all matters, because the choices we make to focus on bettering ourselves or our community, our shared environment or our lawn, is all interconnected.
This blog post has been interrupted with random moments of crying, and smiling as I reflect on every moment, and person that has shaped this experience for me. I wish I had the words to explain this, and maybe one day I will, but for now it’s okay.
Emily,
I love your series of questions related to the bathroom layout; i came back convicted about the very same thing. Still would like to see it through in the next iteration. "It all matters,…lawn, all is interconnected." Well put. Thank you!
Emily, I feel the same way as you in trying to describe my experience here. I hope that after this experience is over you will be able to fully reflect and think back on the experience to describe it. We have done so much within these last three weeks that is so overwhelming to go through all the experiences and put feelings to them. When you get back, take time to reflect on you experience here as I am sure you will be able to find words to describe everything.
The learning is in the struggle, Emily. Stay connected to your feelings and weave them into your life back in the U.S. Though difficult when immersed in our material wealth, it is possible to make conscious decisions. Keep Thailand alive as you move along your path. Such a joy to get to know you and read about your insights on this blog.
Absolutely love your closing sentence, because it describes almost exactly how I am feeling. I know we have talked a lot about feeling like we have changed immensely- and I am so thankful we are on the same wavelength. Hopefully one day we will have the words to describe our experiences.